Spice it up
Sex is probably the only thing in the world that we are just expected to be good at, without any proper training or education. Hidden behind mountains of shame and trauma, it is often impossible to know, let alone talk about sexual longings or frustrations in a relationship. Often, the sex we do or do not have builds up resentments and affects communication in and outside of the bedroom. Because, really, how do you say something that you do not know how to say, right?
Well, I would say it is time we acknowledge the sexual shame passed down over generations, recognize the effect sexuality has on our overall health and relationships - not just regarding intimacy -, and develop communication skills that can help us express needs and desires in day-to-day life.
Sex, like so many other things, is a skill that most of us have not been taught. Luckily though, it is never too late to learn.
Hot, hotter, the hottest.
Let's start with some basics, talk about a couple of tricks and end up at all the reasons why sex is, indeed, a really important part of our lives.
So, what is sex?
There have been so many misconceptions about how to define sex that I feel this is a good place to start. We will look at what we see in the media, what ideas we were brought up with and touch on a few of the myths surrounding the topic of sex and how to define it.
Nope, not in the mood.
I read about the lack of libido a lot. And I know about it too, because I am also not one of those humans who walks around with an active little libido reminder, telling me that sex is good and that I do, in fact, like to have it.
Life just gets in the way sometimes. Or, all the time. The difference between me today and me 10 years ago is that I know the difference of not-in-the-mood and I-really-don't-feel-like-having-the-kind-of-sex-I-am-having. When you know that the bedroom (or any other room) is a safe space to talk and play and have fun and fall apart and experience pleasure... that is when one learns about the difference. I will share what I have learned about pleasure and the beauty of scheduling it.
It seems like a mountain to climb, but it really is not. You can do it. We all can.
Pleasure is the ultimate key to wanting sex. Knowing what brings you pleasure, knowing how to communicate about your pleasure, finding pleasure in giving pleasure to others ... all these things are missing in sex education, then and now. Yet, it is the key element to a good versus a not so good experience.
I am going to talk about how to find out what brings you pleasure and how to communicate this to a partner.
This is one of the things that scares a lot of people the most. Communicating desires, fear of not having them met or being judged for it ...
In this section, we will focus on putting sexual desire into perspective and looking at is without shame, judgement or fear.
Phantasies & porn.
I want to talk about why we do not have to be afraid of pornography and why sexual phantasies say nothing about our personality, relationship quality or sex life.
Lastly, I would like to suggest a few practical things that might spice things up for you as a couple or help you cancel out whatever is not for you. Remember, sex is a skill. So is communication. Speaking about sexual needs, desires and pleasure is the key to a fulfilling sex life. Whatever that may look like for you.
At the end of the talk, I will send out an email with a few suggestions and to answers some of the questions that may have arisen. You are welcome to ask questions personally during a live Q & A at the end of the presentation, in the chat, or via email. I will answer them all anonymously, but for everyone. By asking the question, you are giving consent to me sharing the answer with all participants. Email addresses will not be shared.
How to sign up.
You can either book your slot online via PayPal at the bottom of this page or send me proof of payment (no later than 3 hours before the talk) and I will email you the link. We are using Zoom.
Please note that advance payment is necessary.
Price: ZAR 400, EUR 20 per couple
You can find my banking details here, should you prefer to transfer the money into one of my accounts.
Please know that this is a safe and entirely shame free space, where everyone is welcome and no negative talk is accepted. If privacy is necessary and you need to switch off your camera and/or change your Zoom name, that is fully acceptable if discussed with me in advance.